Web Analytics and Web Statistics by NextSTAT The Boston Sports Nut: stories I've written
Showing posts with label stories I've written. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories I've written. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Mr Stonebreaker


WHAT REALLY HAPPENED IN YANKEE STADIUM on that eventful day they dug up Papi's shirt.

At 4:17AM Sunday, Bronx police stopped a man who was driving a beat-up 1975 Lincoln Continental erractically across the George Washington Bridge. The man, dressed in a ski mask and wearing mud-covered boots exited his vehicle, rented from Bronx Wrecked Rentals three blocks from Yankee Stadium. claimed to be Hal Stonebreaker, an executive associated with a local baseball team. Police searched the vehicle and found a mud-covered shovel, a pic-ax, a bunch of old Chinese coins, dirty bottles, kitchen utensils and some old worn out magazines.

Mr. Stonebreaker was speaking incoherently, laughing continuously, muttering something about a curse and a shirt and kept asking the police, ‘Who’s your Pappy?’ Police then escorted Mr. Stonebreaker to the site of the new Yankee Stadium where he pointed out approximately 75 holes he had dug during the night while searching for a shirt. This being Sunday, there were no workers to be seen. Officers shook their heads in amazement and were then brought up to the executive’s office where Mr. Stonebreaker went inside alone and came out 5 minutes later with 30 autographed balls of his star player, Darren Jater and began handing them out to New York’s finest. One of the officers curiously entered the room where Mr. Stonebreaker had exited and found a Scripto Marking pen on his desk with a box of major league baseballs.
When being informed that he was being taken into custody, Mr. Stonebreaker began screaming....’call my Manager...call my Manger, John Torrey’ unaware that Mr. Torrey had left the team to manage elsewhere. When one of the police officers infomed him that ‘Mr. Torrey was no longer manager’, Mr. Stonebreaker went into a frenzy, yelling "when did that happen...why didn’t anybody tell me about it.’


Police then called his brother, who told them to take him to Bellvue Medical Hospital for observation and treatment, where he will remains on a month-to-month basis.

The Legend of Forest Paperborn

Forrest Paperborn: That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little dance. So I danced on the flatbed and then when it stopped at the end of the road, and when I got there, I thought maybe I'd dance to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I'd just dance across Suffolk County. And I figured since I danced this far, maybe I'd just dance across the great state of Massachusetts. And that's what I did I danced clear across Massachusetts. For no particular reason, I just kept on going. I danced through New Yock. I danced through Claveland. I danced through Lost Angeles. I danced clear to the ocean. And when I got there, I figured since I'd gone this far, I might as well turn around, just keep on going. When I got to another ocean, I figured since I've gone this far, I might as well just turn back, keep right on going. When I got tired, I slept. When I got hungry, I ate. When I had to go, you know, I went.
David Ladderman: Sir, why are you dancing?
Peter Gammonas: Why are you dancing?
Jerry Rainy: Are you doing this for world peace?
David Ladderman: Are you doing this for women's right?
Dan Coresillio: Or for the environment?
Jerry Rainy: Or for animals?
Peter Gammonas: Or for nuclear arms?
Forrest Paperborn: ( They just couldn't believe that somebody would do all that dancing for no particular reason.
Jerry Rainy: Why are you doing this?
Forrest Papel


born: I just felt like dancing